Why are you doing a PhD?

But the honest answer is, and as terrible as it sounds, I have this unending desire to prove everyone wrong. Throughout my education I’ve faced a number of obstacles. One example being my inability…

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Sorry

For all the things I didn’t do
And all the love that haven’t got to you
I’m sorry
I wish I could turn back the time
And let you know, I never meant to hurt you
I’m sorry
I’m sorry — Sorry, Pamungkas

Kira kira begitu penggalan lirik dalam judul “Sorry” yang dinyanyikan oleh Pamungkas. Mengingatkanku pada seseorang yang selalu terjebak dalam fakta yang ia yakini sendiri, sampai ia tidak sadar bahwa aku selalu dengan tulus mencintainya. Aku yang selalu mengalah untuknya, agar hubungan kami tetap bertahan. Ternyata usahaku sia-sia.

Hubungan kami kandas karena sifat cemburunya. Atau mungkin sikapku yang terlalu berlebihan? Mungkin. Selama usia hubungan kami, aku selalu meminta maaf padanya atas kesalahan yang belum tentu kubuat. Ada yang bilang, aku bahkan tidak mempunyai harga diri lagi karena sering meminta maaf padanya. Kembali lagi, aku menyayanginya.

Dulu kita pernah berikrar janji,
Untuk sehidup semati,
Sekarang sudah tiada arti,
Menerima kenyataan aku sendiri lagi.

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